


I'll Send All my Loving to You

by quixoticquest



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Dwarf Courting, M/M, Moria | Khazad-dûm, Old dwarves, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, letters fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3263990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quixoticquest/pseuds/quixoticquest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The biggest mistake Dwalin has ever made was giving his heart to Ori a little too late. The biggest mistake Ori has ever made was leaving after he'd given his heart in kind.</p>
<p>An account of Balin's expedition to Moria, written in letters between Dwalin and Ori.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Send All my Loving to You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sad one. At least, that's how I hope it comes across.  
> Quick headcanon to explain a thing, Dori, Nori, and Ori are the brothers Ri because that was their father's name. So, individually one would be Dori son of Ri. Get it?  
> That's all.

December, 2989

Dear Dwalin,

I’m pleased to report that we have finally reached Moria! But then, you must have realized that already. Why would I have written you otherwise? There certainly wasn’t any opportunity to do so on the journey here. Oh, but I’m stating the obvious again, aren’t I? I swear, I’m a good enough documenter to be Dain’s official scribe, but then I’m shit at personal writing. But I’ve tossed away four leaves of paper already, so I’m definitely sending this one. If I don’t mess up too badly. We’ll see.

Anyway. I’ll get on with it. We took about two months to reach the Misty Mountains, if you’ll remember from when all of us left to the time I wrote this. I assume it will be just as long until you receive this, too. But think, it took us much longer than that to reach Erebor after we left the mountains all those years ago. Then again, the way through Mirkwood was easy going this time around, and we didn’t have a pack of orcs on our tail. I’d say the journey was almost boring, but I have only one point of past experience to compare it to.

Surprisingly, we received no trouble at the entrance to Moria. No orcs or goblins or anything else of the undesirable sort. I’m not sure whether to count ourselves lucky, or stay on guard even more than we already are. I, personally, doubt that any of those awful creatures have just up and abandoned this place.

Oin is faring well despite needing to be told anything and everything thrice, and your brother is in high spirits after reaching our destination. I assume you will be receiving a letter from him as well as me, but I’ll keep you informed about him either way, in case anything happens. Likewise, I hope you have been keeping an eye on my brothers like I asked you to. I can imagine Dori is probably still crying, which you can’t do anything about I’m afraid. But if Nori goes off pilfering, I know you’re just the dwarf to set him straight. Although, he won’t stay straight for very long…I’m sure you are very much aware of that, though. I am writing to the two of them as well, to see how they fare. But knowing my brothers, they’ll only tell me what I’d like to hear before they tell me the truth. So, I only ask that you check on them every once in a while like I asked you, until I return. I would be very grateful.

Now, I suppose this is the last thing I will say. The suspense of these last few months has probably been uneasy for the both of us, and it was probably right awful of me to stall this subject until the end of this letter. There I go again. Shit at personal writing, like I said. But, now, as for what you told me before I left, I would just like you to know that my answer remains the same. I still say yes. Even as I write this I’m wearing the courting bead, and it hasn’t fallen out since you put it in my braid. I just wanted you to know, in case you were getting nervous about how long it had been. But who am I kidding, you’re never nervous about anything. Well, except when you asked to court me. But that was the one exception in over forty years of my knowing you. If anything, I should be nervous as to whether your opinion about our arrangement has changed since I left. Which I am. I’m nervous. Yes, Ori son of Ri, is nervous. Surprise surprise, who would have thought? What else is new?

But more so, I’m still cross with you for bringing this up the evening before I had to leave for Moria. I would have liked to spend some time with you before I left, with all the intimacy a courting couple gets to experience before they decide to wed. You robbed me of that, and I promise you are going to regret it, Dwalin. I know that’s a hefty promise coming from someone like me, but you’ll see. I’m sure the slap across the face I gave you explained that better than I did, though. By the way, sorry about that.

Although I have all these feelings about your confession, I know one of them is happiness, and I am very glad we sorted this out, despite the timing. Balin would like to spend at least two years here, clearing out the orcs and fixing up the place, before he starts sending for others and letting some of us return to Erebor. It’s a bit too long, I think, especially for me and whom I have waiting for me. Maybe we can get to work quickly and finish what he had planned early. Either way, it will be quite a long time before you and I see each other again, and I can’t wait for the day when we do.

All of that being said, this is just about it. It’s quite late, and some fellows have been telling me to put my light out for a while now. I hope this arrived to you soon, and please stay in touch. I can hardly wait to hear from you again. Would it be so trite for me to say I miss you? Oh hell with it. I miss you, Dwalin. And you’ll be hearing quite a bit of that from me.

All the best,

Ori

 

……

 

February, 2990

Ori,

I think you’ll be reconsidering the opinion you have for your own writing by the time you finish reading mine. Just keep in mind I was put through a warrior’s education, not a scholar’s. And I wasted much more paper doing this than you.

I’m glad to hear everyone made it safe and sound. I’d assume you didn’t have to deal with spiders, or elves with sticks up their asses, either? Balin had nothing but good things to tell me, just like you did. I wouldn’t put it past you to think there will be a bit of a trap in store for the lot of you, though. Keep your eyes peeled, watch your step. I’m sure you’ll have a fine handle on things when it does happen.

How should I put this about your brothers…Well first of all, Dori invited me for tea some weeks ago. Said something about wanting to get to know me a bit better since I’m courting his brother. Sorry to say, he spent almost the entire visit sobbing into his chamomile. I don’t think you understand how much I wanted to leave. In fact, I’m not sure why I even stayed until the bitter end. If you’re still intent on getting back at me for my poor timing, there’s your revenge right there.

As for Nori, he went on stealing only once in all these months. I’m actually quite surprised. But there was the one incident. He ran straight into me, trying to make off with a silver pot under his shirt. Didn’t even see me coming, and looked right shocked when he saw me. Would have been fucking hilarious too, with that lump under his shirt and the expression on his face. If, you know, he hadn’t been breaking the law. At his age, he should have retired this gimmick. But hopefully he’ll quit this habit of his, if the head of the king’s guard ever becomes his brother-in-law.

Speaking of what people shouldn’t be doing at certain ages, I’m especially more annoyed with myself for waiting so long to court you than you are. Believe me. A while before we last spoke to each other I caught site of some gray bits in my beard and I nearly fainted. Me, getting all light-headed. Can you believe that? I’m going soft, Ori. Feeling faint easily, tripping all over my words when I confessed to you. Although that last point wasn’t without reason. And then, I think another bit is the fact that I might have been just as worried as you these past months, if not more. I know when I spoke to you it was incredibly last minute, and no one knew what was going to happen past the next day, so I’m glad you didn’t just say yes in the spur of the moment. But why you ever said yes to a grumpy old bastard like myself, I’ll never know. I could have sworn you’d dedicated yourself to your craft anyway. I’m not sure you realize how prepared I was to be rejected. I just wanted to get my feelings out in the open. Not something I’m really used to, but I’m sure glad I did.

I’m also glad to hear your bead is still intact. Brings a bit of a smile to this old dwarf’s face, despite what a piece of shit it is. I tell you, I can carve up an orc mighty nicely, but when it comes to shaping a little bitty thing like that I’m no good. Was almost embarrassed to offer it to you. I had a lot of things to be embarrassed for that night.

I guess to sum everything up I could say that I’m glad you wrote me and I will most certainly keep in touch. Remember what I said about a trap, keep out for Balin, that sort of thing. I look forward to hearing from you again, and even more so to your return. Or my arrival. Whichever Dain happens to decide. Whatever it is, it’s too far away. But until then.

And don’t worry, I miss you too, however “trite” that may be to you. Still can’t believe you said yes, though.

Dwalin

 

……

 

April, 2990

Dear Grumpy Old Bastard,

You poor sod, your writing’s just fine. It’s your script you have to worry about. It took me almost half of an hour to get through your letter. You must use a pen with all the fury you swing your axes, I hope you don’t mind me saying.

I’m so happy to have heard from you, though. Thank goodness we have such a fast messenger. It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you, and hearing from you made that time seem just a bit shorter.

Now, I’m not sure when you will receive this, though. Only the day after I wrote your first letter we were attacked by orcs near the entrance. Thank Mahal there were no casualties, we made out just fine. There have been a few attacks like that since then, even one just this morning. But we’re making out just fine. All I can think of is how many orcs you’d have cleaved right in half if you were here by now.

Even though there have been these attacks, progress is good. Great even. There’s a lot of cleaning going on, right along with the battling. After all, we’re trying to reclaim Khazad-dûm and make it livable again. Yes, by the way, Balin is having us call it Khazad-dûm, rather than Moria. Moria isn’t the most appealing name, after all, and he thinks since we are trying to return it to its former glory, name so should the name be restored. I think I agree with him, and I am trying to recondition myself to say Khazad-dûm instead of Moria. So Khazad-dûm it is. I wonder why they called it Moria in the first place. I mean the mines certainly go down deep, deeper than anywhere in Erebor, but I can’t see why that would lead anyone to call it the Black Pit. It’s a bit overkill if you ask me.

Thank you for looking after Dori and Nori. I’m not sure whether to be relieved or irritated that they’re up to their old tricks. I know one thing though, I am so sorry you had to see my eldest brother in such a state when you went to visit him. Poor Dori…he raised me, you know. I must not have even been walking yet when he started looking after me and Nori all on his own. And he was a handsome lad too, with the nicest hair and the handsomest braids, so he had quite a few suitors coming after him. I can’t believe he kept on raising us snot-nosed kids instead of finding a wife or a husband for himself. I do suppose I’m grateful, though, despite the way he still mothered me even before I left with Balin. But that’s why he’s so distressed, more than Nori, over my leaving. He’s been like a mother to me, he has. You might think I’m kidding, Dwalin, but I only wish I could say he was more like a father. I really do.

I think your bead is just fine, and I’m quite enamored with it. I’ll admit, it’s a bit lumpy in some places, and I watched you had trouble getting it clasped around my braid, but I like it just fine. It’s like you, rough around the edges, if you don’t mind me saying. So I have a piece of you with me here, and whenever I’m lucky enough to get a glimpse of my reflection somewhere (which is rare), I see it and it reminds me of you. I’ll even admit your beadwork wasn’t the best, but you have talents in other areas of expertise. Like you said, orc-cleaving. And I’m certainly no good at that. I’ll keep my pens and books, thank you very much.

I don’t know how many times I can say it, I was so happy to hear from you. I’m glad you’re doing well. And if you ask me, I couldn’t care less if your beard was completely white and you were hunched over your axe. I’ve always thought you were quite handsome, even when you started going bald.

Until next time,

Ori

 

……

 

July, 2990

Ori,

I think I ought to be careful what I call myself around you. Let’s not make a habit of this name-calling thing, alright?

I’m sorry if I took longer to reply than usual (compared to only one previous letter). I was lucky the first go round, but I hope you understand being captain of the guard is more annoying and time-consuming than anything else. It wasn’t too long ago that the new recruits started their training. I swear to Aulë, every year I think these brats can’t get any worse, and then they do. I think my only hope lies in Gloin’s boy. He’s with the recruits this year, and he’s a bit unwieldy, but at least he actually knows how to use that axe of his. As for the rest of the lads…god help them.

Luckily I found some time to write to you, although I’ll admit it was far past midnight when I finally got the chance. Also, I have been trying to improve my penmanship whenever I get the time, so hopefully this letter won’t be too much trouble to read. The things I do for you…not that I regret it or anything. Not one second.

You’ll be happy to hear that Nori’s behaved himself since my last account of his escapades. That might be because Dori seems to be getting on in his years. I’d like to think that thief of a brother you have is helping him along, had a change of heart of sorts. Haven’t seen either of them for a while, but from what I gather they’re doing just fine. I’ll be sure to visit them when I find the time, like I promised. I’m sure you’re writing them as well, but like I said, a promise is a promise.

As for the whole bit about “Khazad-dûm”, I can’t say that I don’t agree with Balin, not that you seemed very averse to the idea either. But don’t be so quick to dismiss things that don’t make sense. There’s a reason its name was changed to Moria. If my home were suddenly overrun with orcs, I might very well start calling it something sinister as well. I don’t think I have to repeat how you must be on your guard, do I? I’ve seen you fight, Ori, and although you’ve greatly improved with a sword since we retook Erebor, I can’t help remembering how you often fared on the journey to the Mountain. After all, that was the last time you truly saw battle, and I’d like to have you back all in one piece.

Anyway. You don’t have to make me feel better about the bead, I know my skills aren’t the best. Generally I’m not very good at courting altogether. I mean just look at me, I’m over two hundred years old and I haven’t found a significant other for myself yet. Well, before you left, I mean. And even that’s not entirely set in stone. I’m sure I’ve said this enough, but I wasn’t even sure we’d make it past my half-assed proposal. You know, I kept thinking you might have sworn yourself to your craft earlier on, and if I was to be rejected for bookkeeping…well, that’d be quite a blow to my pride. Not that I was able to gather much of that around you, anyway. Swear it went right out the window as soon as you opened the door when I came calling.

I suppose that’s all I have to say. And what a shit way to end a letter it is. I’m still sticking to my claim about being a horrible writer, script and all. But aside from that, stay safe and write back soon.

Dwalin

 

……

 

September, 2990

Dear Dwalin,

Before anything else is said, there’s something I have to make clear. I’m not sure you understand, but it almost seems to me that you have the same mindset about me as Dori does. That mindset being that I’m still the helpless idiot of barely forty on our quest for the Mountain. Dori is Dori, and I just have to live with the fact that he’s getting a bit forgetful in his old age, but I thought you might be different. If the dwarf you’re in love with is the coward you always ended up protecting back then, then I’m not so sure this is going to work out between us. I’ll have you know, I’ve worked very hard to get to where I am. How Thorin ever agreed to let me come with him and my brothers, I’ll never know. I suspect it was a formality, Dori insisting I come along or something or other. But I secured my place in this particular expedition to Khazad-dûm all on my own, because I’ve worked very hard to be where I am today. I snagged the position as Dain’s official scribe, didn’t I? I’ve trained day-in and day-out for the very reason that I don’t get killed because of my poor battle skills, and even retired my slingshot, though I’m partial to it. And if you haven’t noticed, my beard has been full grown for a while now, and not too bad-looking if I do say so myself. I may not be the strongest one here, but I’m certainly not helpless, and you ought to stamp out any notions that it’s your job to look after me or something. I can get by well enough on my own, and I’m not interested in any self-righteous husband looking for someone to save. Thank you very much.

Well, now, I’m not sure what else to say. I think I wore myself out with that last passage. If there’s anything to say…I’m doing well, as is Balin and the rest of us. A few orcs to deal with here and there. Nothing I can’t handle, mind you. Now let’s get it through that thick skull of yours that I’ve grown up.

So very sincerely,

Ori

P.S. – I’m afraid I might have gone a bit overboard. If that’s the case, I’m sorry.

 

……

 

November, 2990

Ori,

Alright, I’m not so sure how to begin. I’ve been sitting here for at least an hour, with no clue what to write. Here I was expecting a kindly letter from you, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so thoroughly spoken out against in my entire life. Not to say I’m angry, but, well…

I suppose a good way as any to start is with an apology. I’m sorry, I never meant to give you the impression that I think you weak. I know as well as anybody (and certainly better than Dori) that you have grown up, becoming a better fighter and an altogether better person as well. I don’t see you as you were when we were in Thorin’s company, but as far as fighting orcs go, that’s the only experience I have to go off on your skill in the matter. However, I have seen you with a sword, and I think you have a good handle on things. Like I said, I just want you back in one piece. Is it so terrible that I worry so much? I should probably put more faith in you, shouldn’t I? I’m sorry for rubbing you the wrong way like that.

I can promise you, though, I am well aware that you’ve grown up. In fact I’m not so sure I would like to marry you if you were the same dwarf you were back during the days of Thorin’s company. To be honest, you were a bit whiny, and like you’ve said, barely an adult. It is for the very reason that you’ve grown into such a remarkable person that I want to marry you. Believe me, I’ve noticed how different you are from back then. And I have definitely noticed your beard.

I think, though, I’m just worrying that history might repeat itself. I mean, I’d sworn myself to Thorin and his line, and look what happened to them. I hope this is different, but…I’m sorry, I’m not making sense. Never thought I’d be too superstitious for my own good.

Again, I’m sorry, and I hope you understand that I had every intention of courting and possibly marrying Ori, scribe of Dain and expert swordsman, not Ori, brother of Dori and Nori and average slingshooter. That’s the truth.

Dwalin

 

……

 

January, 2991

Dear Dwalin,

At this point I am most definitely sorry for going off on that tirade at you. Oh Mahal, I don’t think I’ve ever been more ashamed of something I wrote in my entire life. Worse than when I tried my hand at creative writing. I am so, so sorry. I didn’t think you really thought so lowly of me that you considered me no different than I was fifty years ago. I think I’ve just been so used to Dori’s constant discouragement, especially about my accompanying this expedition, that I grew bitter about the idea, and lashed out when you said what you did all those letters ago. Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I can say it. Here I am, wasting our only source of communication with a silly squabble. I ought to just throw myself down deep into the mines right now.

Another reason for my outburst might be the fact that progress isn’t going quite as well as we’d like it to here. Don’t get me wrong, there is progress and plenty of it. We’ve even found Durin’s axe and some other artifacts, if you can believe it. But Balin’s changed the two-year mark (although I suppose it’s only one now) to three. How can we be so far behind that it will take three years to get Khazad-dûm up and running? Also, your brother has been made lord here, which is fine by me given his lineage, but I think lordship and all that sort of thing should be saved for when there aren’t orcs breathing down our necks. We’ve already lost a few of the company to them, and I hope you remember what happened the last time one of us was a bit hasty to name himself king.

Speaking of Thorin, or rather since you spoke of Thorin, don’t blame yourself for what happened to him. There wasn’t anything you could do, and you’re not cursed or whatever you might be thinking about yourself. I promise I’m not going anywhere. Our handle on things here is alright, and we’ll meet again one way or another. Then we can finally get on with this courting thing and I can decide whether I want to spend the rest of my life with you or not.

On a happier note, then, I was chatting with a few of the lads and they started talking about my bead. Or rather, your bead. Asked who was courting me, and I told them it was you, captain of the guard and all. Two of the fellows, their names were Lóni and Náli, said they had been in the guard with you and couldn’t believe you were courting. Said you were quite the old hard ass, and they didn’t think anyone would be crazy enough to agree to even think about marrying you. I’m not sure whether to be offended or proud of myself.

Well, it’s been over a year since we last saw each other. Can you believe it? I can, because it’s felt like much longer. I’m starting to wish our speedy messenger was even speedier. Not to mention with all the work we’re doing and all, I can hardly find time to even record the events of the day in the journals Dain gave me. It feels like a lifetime has gone by every time I receive a reply from you or my brothers. But one year down, two to go (although it should be only one, and I’m still cross about that).

One last sorry for lashing out,

Ori

 

……

 

March, 2991

Ori,

You have nothing to apologize for, I understand. Then again, if I don’t accept your apology, we’ll be back and forth saying sorry to each other, won’t we? In that case, apology accepted. Let’s not talk about it anymore.

This letter particularly took me a few days longer than usual to write. I’ve been mulling over what to say quite a lot, after what you said about Thorin. I’ve never consciously considered myself cursed, that all my loved ones die for some reason. After all, Balin is still alive. But maybe I had thought about it unconsciously. Maybe it’s part of the reason that I waited so long to court you. I’ve never been very interested in any of that memory or mind stuff anyway. I’m sure you can tell, my physical attributes greatly outweigh my mental.

Another thing about Balin, how is he? His letters haven’t been coming as frequently, and I wonder how he’s faring. I’m sure you would have told me if something was wrong, but I’d like to be sure, just in case. You know, I haven’t heard from him since the beginning of September. I know he’s older than me, but I’ve always worried about him. I still do, even as he gets on in his years. He doesn’t have much longer, you know. I don’t like to think about it, but it’s true. I sure do hope they don’t name me “Lord of Khazad-dûm” when he’s gone though. I’m not cut out for any sort of thing like that.

And Lóni and Náli, you say? I think I remember them. Just a bit, though. Enough to know that whoever picked them for this mission isn’t doing their job right. I swear, Ori, I’m not sure what to do about the idiots who work in this city on a regular basis. I’d arrest them if I could. And I don’t want to say this all started when Dain became king, but, well, take a look at the evidence. In all honesty though, I think he’s just fine. He hired you, after all, didn’t he?

Time keeps going on, right along with the grey in my beard. I can’t stand it, I’m not very partial to this aging thing. I bet you won’t even recognize me when we meet again. Hopefully you’ll be back sooner than you think so that we can get this show on the road. I’m not sure how much longer I have left, but I do know that I’d like to spend what time I do with you. After all, if you’re the only person crazy enough to be courted by me, my options are limited. I am kidding, of course.

Over a year it’s been, and even longer than that since you wrote to me. Whatever reason Balin has for extending the expedition, I’m as unhappy with it as you are, but I’m sure it’s a good one. Luckily I can get by on your letters, and you’re better at replying than my brother seems to be. Like I said, hopefully you’ll be done sooner than you think, and then we can finally start courting. I’m not the most romantic dwarf in the world, but I think I have just enough time to think of something worthwhile for us to do when we see each other again. If I’d had this much time to make your courting bead, it might have been almost good quality.

As usual, stay safe and best of luck.

Dwalin

 

……

 

August, 2991

Dear Dwalin,

I am so, so, so very sorry that it’s taken me twice as long to write you. Things are fast changing here, and I’m not sure what to make of it anymore. Why…I don’t even know how to start. I just hope things at home are less hectic than they are here.

For one thing, Balin’s been keeping our messenger longer than usual. Sometimes it’s not very safe to leave the mines. We went to the western entrance and there was an awful sort of creature out there in the lake. It’s a relief Erebor doesn’t lie west of us. As for other dangers, orcs have been rearing their ugly heads more so than usual, especially at the eastern entrance. We found some of our own slain there just the other day. Balin has advised that no one go off alone anymore, and to stay with the company as often as possible. Of the fifty who came here, thirty-nine remain.

There was another strange thing. I’m not sure if I’ve spent too much time underground after being on the Mountain for so long but…just the other day, I thought I saw a huge, bright glow down the corridor. Balin told us to spare making fires, so I went to see what the matter was, when the glow disappeared. I don’t know where it went, maybe someone put out their fire when they heard someone coming. Come to think of it, it seemed a rather large light for just a tiny fire…like I said, the mines must be getting to me.

You’ll probably ask if we need reinforcements, but you mustn’t send anyone. Who knows what might happens to them upon entering Khazad-dûm? Orcs have been laying traps left and right. That’s why we’ve lost so many companions after all. No, we can’t bring anyone else into this until we’re sure it’s safe. I’m sure it won’t be so long now. It’s our eleven lost compared to their, what seventy? See, I told you I can hold my own.

Don’t worry so much about Balin, he’s ever busy. I don’t think you’ll be receiving any letter from him, but I’ll be sure to keep you posted when I can. He’s alright, just…worn out. I don’t really blame him, either. I’m getting so very tired, Dwalin. I mean I don’t think it’s nothing I can’t handle, but…I’m starting to wonder more than ever why Moria was abandoned. Your mind starts to play tricks on you around here. 

Sorry if this was shorter than I usually write. Like I said, we’re busy, and I’m a bit preoccupied. That doesn’t make me miss you any less, or not wish we were together. I can’t wait to see you again, more than ever now.

Until next time,

Ori

 

……

 

December, 2991

Ori,

You weren’t kidding when you said your messenger has been held back. I waited a whole month more for your word to come in the post. And after, I heard as soon as he came and delivered everything, he went right back to Khazad-dûm. If you hadn’t explained everything to me, I’d be concerned. Not to say I’m not concerned already.

I’m glad to hear you’re safe, but these orc attacks I’m hearing about can’t help getting me nervous. It seems to me like they keep coming back in bigger swarms. At least the lot of you are okay. Keep doing what you’re doing, be careful, and you should fare just fine. Also, I don’t think I have to tell you not to go near the western entrance now. How on earth are you going to take care of that thing? Khazad-dûm will be far from habitable if there’s a monster guarding one of its exits.

How long has it been since you’ve been in proper daylight? I don’t usually recommend sunlight for dwarves, but in your case you may very well benefit from it. If you’re starting to see things…try to go outside, if there aren’t any obstacles in your way (namely orcs). Then again, if you’re supposed to stay with the company, maybe you just ought to do that. I don’t think I’m the best for advice on this matter. Just try to get some rest, because it seems to me that you’re getting very little of it.

Dain’s gotten word about the orcs, and from what I gather he agrees about not sending anymore people after you. I’m not sure if I agree, though. If enough of us went to your aid, I’m sure the lot of us could blaze over a hundred orcs, or more, as long as there aren’t any sorts of lake monsters at the eastern gate. I’d be happy to lead a second expedition there. But that might just be me wanting to see you again. Probably is. I hope you know how much I miss you. I get anxious about this not hearing from you for so long. I’m able to breathe easy every time I get a letter, it’s a blessing. Not sure what I’d do if I didn’t have that blessing. I’m sure you know full well about how annoying my life tends to be, and your voice in it has been a big relief. I can’t wait to see you again, and have that voice constantly.

I hope you don’t mind my saying, since I don’t usually go off on personal rants. But the other day I was watching some of the recruits spar, and I couldn’t help recalling the few times I helped you with your swordsmanship. Probably because I’ve been missing you so much. But I remember how determined you were to get that one particular move right, and how happy you were when you finally did. Damn, that was over twenty years ago. I think that was when I started to see you as more than a companion or friend. I hope this little story hasn’t embarrassed you, but I’ll be counting a victory for myself if I made you blush.

I’m hoping things have calmed down and you’ll be replying to me sooner. If not, I understand, but I’ll be awfully anxious until I hear from you. As always, stay safe, and keep me updated. In case anything happens, I suppose I ought to say, I love you.

Dwalin

 

……

 

June, 2992

Dwalin,

Oh Mahal. I don’t think I can apologize enough this time around. It’s not my fault, though, I’m afraid, and I can’t tell whether it’s going to get better or worse. Either way, I’m sorry it’s been so long. I must have you worried sick. I promise I’ll make it up to you when we see each other again.

Where do I start? We’ve lost six more of the company. I’m not sure what to make of it, but I’m praying that it just happens to be a quick horde of orcs who happen to be passing by that keeps coming after us. Balin is making us stay in one of the higher halls to avoid them. But sometimes straying downstairs is inevitable, and whether you come back or not is all up to chance. I had to make a run to the lower halls just yesterday, and I saw that strange light again, Dwalin. It seemed to be rumbling, and moving farther down the hall as if it could up and walk all on its own. I’d like to say it was orcs, with torches and drums. I hate those drums, Dwalin. It’s too often one of us falls when we hear them, pounding in the deep.

I’m not sure Balin is faring well, to be honest. He’s grown weary, very weary, what with all the losses we’ve faced. I believe it’s up to nineteen now. There are thirty-one of us left, and fast dwindling. If anything, though, I promise I’ll make it back. I have too much waiting for me not to make it. Oh my, I’ve made a lot of promises, haven’t I? Hopefully no more than I can handle.

I hate to say it, but at this point I think the expedition might have been a failure. We’re going to try to escape once the orc count thins out, whenever that may be. There was a reason Moria was abandoned, and I think this was it. And yes, I said Moria. To hell with this place, if it isn’t already. I just want to go home. I miss my brothers, and I certainly miss you as well. It feels like all of you were a dream, that’s how long I’ve been wallowing in the dark here…although, I do remember that. The sparring. I swear I worked myself ragged in those days, and then I had to go write back to Dain and record some sort of account of his. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but those were simpler times. I miss them. I’d give anything to be young again, sparring with you. This place makes me feel so old, Dwalin. And I know I’d be miserable for the next few days if not for you and your letter. When I don’t have those, sometimes I tug at your bead. It’s still intact, you know. Gives me a better boost sometimes than Elvish waybread.

Please tell me more about back then. I don’t care if it’s a story from when I was still a weakling, I need to know something existed besides this. Anything but this dank place. I can hardly remember my brothers’ smiles, Dwalin. Might have forgotten my own too if it weren’t for your letters.

Please write fast. I don’t know when you will get this, and who knows what will delay our messenger? But the sooner the better.

I love you too,

Ori

 

......

 

October, 2992

Ori,

If you expect me not to be sick with worry at this point, I’m not sure what to make of you. I’ve already tried convincing Dain to send out a second party, but he’s not sure what to do just yet. Perhaps you’ll pull through, he thinks. But based on your account, I’m honestly not so sure at this point.

I’ve met with Nori recently. He said you wrote to him and Dori, but not much. He’s kept it from Dori that you’re in danger though. I’m not sure I blame him, either. Your older brother’s grown quite old, I’m sure you know. He doesn’t leave his house much anymore, and I’m not sure what news such as this of his dear little brother would do to him. Nori’s never been very honest to begin with, but he might have a just reason not to be this time. If you think differently, however, I’ll be sure to inform Dori as to what has happened. Likewise, my brother is in about the same state as yours, and I’d be very grateful if you were to help him in any way you can. I’m sure you’ve been doing that already though.

Now you want a story from back then? You know I’m an awful writer, and I’m not very good at telling stories, but I’ll see what I can do. Let’s see…There was the time that you, Bofur, Balin and I went out for drink. Just some reminiscing and catching up, you know? Then they started to leave. Bofur’s got that wife, so he had to hurry home to her, and Balin had a meeting with Dain. I was ready to leave too, but you were piss drunk, and I couldn’t just leave you there all helpless. I took you home, and you were singing and laughing the whole way. I don’t think I’d ever seen you drunk before, you know. I was certainly glad that you weren’t the sad sort of drunk, or else I might have left you somewhere. Don’t worry, I’m kidding. Again. Maybe I should quit that.

There was also the time that I had to write a report for the guard for some reason, some lengthy thing that I wasn’t used to. Of course I’d written them before, but for whatever reason I had to be very meticulous about this one. And there I was blundering over this report, when you came from Dain’s study scribing or whatever it is you do. You came right over and helped, did the whole writing bit while I told you what to put down. I never would have gotten through that ordeal if it weren’t for you. I went back and looked over the report though, saw certain sentences you’d rephrased or revised from my word. That was a bit of a sneaky move, but it was probably for the best.

I’m not sure I can think of anymore stories. Sad to say, I didn’t spend as much time with you as I would have liked. There will be plenty of time for that when you get back, though, of course. We can write and spar and get drunk all we like then. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Be safe, write soon.

Dwalin

 

……

 

March, 2993

Ori,

I’ve tried to send this message with a traveler, since no one’s heard from you lot. I know you haven’t replied yet, or maybe it hasn’t come yet, but I couldn’t help myself from writing again. I’m growing very worried. No one’s heard from you all in months. I just need to know that you haven’t had your head ripped off by orcs or anything. Please, please write back soon. I’ll take anything, just a piece of paper with your name on it.

This was brief, but…there wasn’t much else to say. Except maybe Nori is worried for you too, as well as Dori. It would be a great weight off all of our shoulders if we heard from you.

Please be safe.

Dwalin

 

......

 

November, 2993

 Dwalin,

I haven’t received your letter. The messenger’s lost everything in the lower levels of the mines. He’s not mad enough to go back. Shame, too. I was looking forward to hearing from you, but I’m not sure I can afford to wait anymore. I don’t even know if this is going to get to you.

They’ve taken nearly every path out from the halls we hide in. There’s one way out, only for those crazy enough to brave whatever lies outside the immediate walls. Our food supply is running low. I don’t know whether it’s daytime or nighttime anymore.

I saw it. The source of the light. It’s no fire after all. Something hellish dwells here, Dwalin. It’s massive and hot and evil and I can feel it. Thank Mahal it doesn’t stray up to the higher levels.

I’m wasting my time. My hand is shaking so much, I’ve broken two pens. I just want you to know that this may be the last you hear from me. Don’t assume the worst, but…I have no idea what comes after this. Only know this: don’t send any others. It’s not worth it. If we escape Moria it should be locked away forever. There’s no use. It’s a lost cause. Don’t send help.

I don’t have a lot of time, the messenger’s leaving right quick. We were just supposed to write down a few things to some loved ones. You count as one of those, right?

There’s no use worrying, just be patient to see how things turn out.

Ori

 

……

 

February, 2994

Ori,

You can’t be serious. Please tell me things are better than they sound. How many of you are left? How is Balin? I received no word from him. You can’t possibly tell me that this is it. This can’t be it. You all will plan some scheme to get out and come back home, I’m sure of it. After all, you’ve told me time and time again that you can hold your own. You’ve got a lot of people waiting for you, Ori. Don’t let them down. Don’t let me down. You promised.

I don’t know what else to say…I’m not good with words, especially when I’m worried sick. Just, you know, be safe, I suppose, and hurry to write back. Please. There’s a wonderful lad over there that I’m dying to see again, and even more so to hear from.

Dwalin

 

……

 

July, 2994

Ori,

Your messenger never returned, but I tried to send this off with another traveler.

Any word? Please. No one’s heard from you. I know you warned of that, but…Dain’s not going to send anyone, not even a scout to see what’s going on. I know you advised against it, but…I would rest easy knowing you’re okay.

I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but I hope you receive this.

Dwalin

 

……

 

January, 2995

Ori,

Like I’ve said before. Just your name on a slip of paper.

Dwalin

 

……

May, 2998

Ori,

Dori’s passed away. Of course, he was getting on in his years, but I think your disappearance might have been a contributing factor. Not that it’s your fault, please don’t take it that way.

But I thought you should know. Nori’s waiting for you. You know he’s so distressed, he hasn’t been up to anything in years? Can you believe that?

He’s not the only one waiting for you, Ori. Please. I’ll take anything

Dwalin

 

……

 

March, 3005

Ori,

It’s been ten years. I don’t know why the fuck I keep sending these letters with travelers who want nothing to do with me, but I can’t help myself. I need to hear from you again. I need to see your swirly script on a piece of parchment. Even more so I need your voice, but I’ll take what I can get.

I keep telling myself the worst is that you’ve had to stop communicating, and that you’re isolated in the mines. For all I know, you may very well be on your way back to Erebor right now. Please tell me I’m not getting my hopes up. I need to see you again, Ori. I swear, nothing’s broken big, old rough and tough me more than your disappearance.

Please be safe. I pray to Aulë every day for your safety, and that I’ll see you again.

Dwalin

 

……

……

……

 

 

May, 2994

Dear Dwalin,

I’m hoping you’ll receive this, but I can imagine it won’t be for many, many years. You might even be long gone before anyone finds this, though I hate to imagine it. I’d like to say you won’t even have to read this letter but…well, I’d laugh if I wasn’t so disheartened at the moment.

I’m not going to beat around the bush. If you’re reading this, it means I didn’t survive Moria. I know that’s the only reason you would be reading this, because if not I would have ripped this paper up as soon as I reached Erebor and told you what I’m about to myself. Maybe not even all of it. But seeing as this might very well be the end for the likes of me, I’m going to say what I can. Now that I’ve got all the time in the world to write, I don’t plan to be brief.

I’m sorry to tell you that Balin’s gone. I’m so, so sorry. We should have been watching out for each other, all of us. You’ll be glad to know we were able to give him a proper sendoff, though, before things got devastatingly bad. Following him were Lóni, Náli, Oin, and several others. But I’m sure you’ll learn all that before you even receive this.

I’d like to ask who found us, and how, but there’s no way you could answer that. I’m sure I’ll find out some way or another. I bet you can see everything from up there. Sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear that. Seems I’ve become a bit morbid in these last few days, though.

Oh, Dwalin…I’m so sorry. I know none of this is necessarily my fault, but I can’t help thinking of you, constantly waiting, eventually reading this. I should have never come here. What was I thinking? I wanted another adventure? Some adventure this turned out to be. I think I’ve decided that the whole thing is bad business. Nothing good comes of these long sorts of journeys.

I’ve gone a bit off-topic, sorry. What I meant to say, though, is that even if I’m sorry, I’m even angrier with the evil here, the orcs and the lake creature and the demon in the lower levels. It’s their fault that I can’t see you again. And I so, so wanted to see you again. To hell with courting, I think I was ready to marry you, Dwalin. And I’ll never stop hating the fact that that was ripped from us. Especially you. I can’t imagine how awful it must have felt to wait all these years. Just can’t imagine, especially because I have no idea how long it will take for this to reach you. It may be fifty years for all I know.

I think, though, that we will meet again. I’m sure you know what I mean. I hate to get so spiritual like that, but it’s the only solace I have left. If I don’t have that to hold onto, I’d have lost hope by now. Until we do meet again though, you’ll have a whole lot of us looking out for you. I’d name them all, but…I think you understand.

Well, now that I’ve babbled on enough to probably have made you cry, I’m not sure what else to say. Except maybe that I love you. You know that of course, but I have to say it. I love you so much, Dwalin, as friend and comrade and everything more. I’m sorry things happened the way they did. I’m still angry with you for your shit timing. If you had said so earlier I wouldn’t have gone on this awful quest. But then, if I hadn’t gone to Moria, you might not have courted me at all. It’s just an endless circle of regret, isn’t it? At least I don’t regret saying yes.

If there’s any way to end this, I think it’s to tell you that, wherever I am now, I’m looking out for you. If I survived then I’m slapping your wrist for some stupid thing you said, and if I didn’t it’s from, you know, up there. I’m sure you won’t forget about me, but I’d like to ask you not to anyway. As for you…I’ll remember you with my dying breath, after all. And I’d like not to wish you join me too soon, but we’ll see.

Well I think that’s enough morbidity for me. Look out for my brothers. I’ve sent them a little something too. I’m sorry, I miss you, I love you, goodbye. And I can’t wait to see you again.

Until then,

Ori

P.S. – Maybe Aulë will marry us. Do you think that’s possible? Oh, I’m being silly, aren’t I? I suppose it’s not altogether foolish of me to hope, though.


End file.
